


The Mysterious Hacker

by thebureauisclosed (insibbegerest)



Series: Acing High School [3]
Category: American Revolution RPF, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Acephobia, Aromantic spectrum, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Facebook, Gen, Hacking, Humor, Jemmy is a badass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 07:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5530613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insibbegerest/pseuds/thebureauisclosed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People called James Madison many names – short kid, tiny thing, quiet nerd… It's funny how your appearance can make people forget about all your talents. James wasn't complaining though; on the other hand, being constantly sold short had its merits that he had learned to appreciate.<br/>For example, when he did something... questionable, no one ever suspected him. Aw don't be silly, they would say, little James would never do anything bad! He is so sweet!<br/>Yeah. Sweet his ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mysterious Hacker

**Author's Note:**

> Originally I wanted to write something more... Christmas-y, but then I got upset after a bunch of acephobes on tumblr talked shit about me aand this happened instead.  
> Btw, James Madison is a sweetheart who deserves more love, which is why I made him the hero of this little story, hehe.

**John Laurens**  
(21 mins ago)  
To those of you who don’t know yet – I am asexual. So, yeah. Now you know. (If you don’t understand what that means, google is your best friend)

_—comments—_

**A Ham** : And what does that meeeaaan??

 **A Ham:** (Sorry, just kidding  <3)

 **Eliza Schuyler** : OMG SERIOUSLY? I AM DEMI! *ace-spec high five*

 **His Lafayetteness** : u aced that coming out bro! hercules forgot his fb password but he is sending his love, too :)

 **Sam Seabury** : special snowflake much? sry but normal people can't live without sex, i'm sure you'll find that out eventually! unless you rly wanna die alone haha (@His Lafayetteness: pls don't call it 'coming out', that's offensive to lgbt people who face actual oppression... this guy just doesn't wanna fuck lmao)

 **A Ham** : Go fuck yourself, Seabury. You know what we could definitely live without? YOUR ASS… Who the fuck are 'normal people' anyway? I assure you John is a much better person than you could ever be... Also wtf is that shit about dying alone?! HE HAS A BOYFRIEND. ME. I AM HIS BOYFRIEND. DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU PIECE OF SHIT

 **A Ham** : asexuality.org - Check this page, it might help you understand why you’re being a dick… I know your tiny little brain can’t take in much new information, so please read slowly

 **John Adams** : :-/ Why do people these days feel the need to shove their sexuality into everyone’s faces? Fine, we get it, you don’t like sex, but no one wants to hear about that, to be honest.

 **A Ham** : Why does John Adams feel the need to shove his stupidity into everyone’s faces? Fine, we get it, you're an ugly fuckstick, but no one wants to be reminded of it tbh

 **Aaron Burr** : Good to see you're comfortable about your identity Laurens ;) congrats

 **Thomas Jefferson** : I might be wrong but couldn’t that be caused by hormone imbalance? maybe you should go see a doctor about it? no offense

- 

People called James Madison many names – short kid, tiny thing, quiet nerd… It's funny how your appearance can make people forget about all your talents. James wasn't complaining though; on the other hand, being constantly sold short had its merits that he had learned to appreciate.

For example, when he did something... questionable, no one ever suspected him. Aw don't be silly, they would say, little James would never do anything bad! He is so sweet!

Yeah. Sweet his ass.

He cracked his knuckles, ready to get down to work. His eyes skimmed through the comments section more time and he shook his head disapprovingly.

He and John Laurens didn’t always see eye to eye, but that didn’t mean they were enemies. You could say they were mostly on neutral terms. And right now, as he was reading everyone's responses to John's announcement, James could feel a pang of sympathy for him. He had no idea why Laurens would think it clever to post anything about sexuality on Facebook of all places, but he guessed it was too late to wonder about it anyway.

He could imagine how Laurens would react to seeing the mess that was the comment section. Laurens apparently logged off right after posting the status, which meant he couldn’t have possibly read more than Hamilton’s first two comments. Although James wasn’t John’s best pal or anything, he didn’t want his classmate to come back to his facebook wall being full of ignorant bullshit.

While people usually didn’t notice James, he always noticed them and remembered all the small details about them. That was how he knew that John Laurens wasn’t the most self-assured person in the world, to put it mildly, and making him angry at you or angry at himself or angry at the whole world (except for Alexander Hamilton) was no difficult task. Of course Laurens would flip out because of Seabury’s behavior, then Hamilton would flip out as well and it would create a whole lot of unnecessary drama and hate and a huge chain of unstoppable flipping out. The gossip would eventually reach Jefferson and then James wouldn’t hear the end of it.

So, no. He couldn’t just leave things the way they were now, both for John Laurens' and his own sake. It was time for his computer skills to shine.

The first person begging to be taught a lesson was Samuel Seabury, it seemed.

It didn't take James too long to hack into his account. He then proceeded to delete the comment and some other problematic bullshit Seabury had posted. He replaced his profile picture with a photo of Rick Astley, his interests to 'sniffing to my armpits' and wrote down a quick apology containing the following words:

_I am sorry to everyone I've insulted here on FB, it was really immature of me.  You all are great people who didn't deserve it._

Well, James supposed that would be enough. Next one was John Adams. James edited the content of his comment to 'I am proud of you John, you have my support :)' and on the spur of the moment sent the same stock photo of lettuce to all Adams' contacts. Let him explain this one to his 137 Facebook friends.

He instantly received a 'why the hell are you sending me this, you weirdo' from Thomas Jefferson. He smirked, sent Thomas the lettuce five more times ans logged off.

"What is wrong with Adams?" Thomas Jefferson had been lying on the couch opposite James this whole time because... ah yes, this was actually Thomas' place. James kept forgetting it wasn't his actual home, he even had the keys and everything. Thomas' parents adored him. And why wouldn't he use the opportunity to spend his free time at the Jeffersons' when they had a faster wi-fi connection and four cats he could pet anytime he wanted to?

James said, "I don't know what is wrong with Adams, but I am sure you'll tell me."

"He just messaged me six pictures of lettuce, like, out of the blue." Confused, Thomas shook his head. "Is he high? I'd expect this kind of a thing from Hamilton or Lafayette, but Adams?"

"Maybe Hamilton hacked his account," James suggested. "Or maybe I did, who knows."

Thomas snorted, "Riight, that must be it."

"By the way, Thomas..."

"Yeah?"

"I thought you might want to rephrase that thing you wrote to Laurens...?"

A frown of confusion crossed Thomas' face, "Um, why?"

James sighed. Had this been anyone else, he wouldn't even bother explaining, but... Thomas wasn't anyone else. While James usually thought it pointless and tiresome to lecture people on the error of their ways, he at least tried when it came to his best friend. Sure, James would be the first to admit that Thomas could be a pain in the ass (no wait, Hamilton would be first, James would have to occupy the second place), but he believed it was caused by his friend's ignorance rather than him actually wanting to hurt anyone's feelings. In spite of what Hamilton and his minions thought, Thomas wasn't the real life Voldemort they took him for; just a spoiled kid that was capable of being a dick to the people he disliked. James, however, also knew him as a loyal friend and an intelligent person.

"It's kind of... offensive," James said, "Laurens isn't going to be happy about it."

"Chill, James, I was just giving the guy some advice."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but he's obviously done a lot of research on the subject and I'm pretty sure he knows more about it than you do. You're not offering advice, you're being rude."

Thomas was at a loss for words, which was a good sign. "Uhh I just…"

"You just suggested that he should get treated for being himself," James said, "which… not nice."

Something like uncertainty appeared on Thomas' face and that was when James knew he had already won this battle. "Have you and Laurens become buddies? Or why are you suddenly so interested in his well-being?" Thomas said defensively, crossing his arms.

 _Try being an aro-spectrum ace, Thomas, try it. And then try ignoring people who talk crap about other aces on social media using the same dumb words you've already had to read a million times before_. "No, we aren't buddies, but I know a lot of LGBT+ people - as do you, in case you've forgotten - and believe me, this is the last thing someone wants to hear when they publicly announce their sexuality. Also, Laurens doesn't simply forgive and forget, so if he gets mad at you, it's going to be hell. Add to that an equally angry Hamilton and..."

"Ugh, I get it!" Thomas raised his hands in defeat. "They'd be insufferable and they'd think I'm the worst person alive. Fine then, I'll delete that comment, you happy now?"

"Yeah," James smiled. "I just didn't want you to get in trouble when it could be so easily avoided, you know."

"Yeah yeah, I know you always mean well. Thanks, I guess." Thomas paused. "There's one thing I still don't understand, though. Hamilton seems to be completely okay with Laurens being whatever the hell he is, which isn't what I'd expect from someone like him? I mean, look at his comments, he's all JOHN IS MY BOYFRIEND, I LOVE JOHN AND YOU ARE ALL DOUCHEBAGS."

"You know, Thomas," James said slowly, "sometimes when two people love each other very much… well… they just love each other very much. That's it. They don't necessarily need to do any kind of physical activities to prove that. And for Christ's sake, if I have to discuss Hamilton's love life for one more second, I'll…"

"Fine, I'm shutting up now."

The last thing left for James to do was to delete Hamilton's angry responses to the haters. Now that James had removed Adams' and Seabury's bullshit it looked like Hamilton was just yelling at himself in the comment section, which... in itself did sound like something Hamilton would do, but still. James logged in as Hamilton, deleted his last three comments, ignored all the private messages notifications (What the fuck, Hamilton had been offline for nine minutes and had eleven unread messages? How?) and logged off again.

He let out a sigh of relief. His work here was finally done.

"What happened? Why are you sighing? Who are you talking to?" Thomas Worried-Mother Jefferson asked.

James waved his hand dismissively, "Eh, I was googling if the local bookstore still had Red Dragon on stock. Apparently they do."

"Oh please… I own two copies, what would you need a bookstore for?"

"Ah, I forgot. Can I borrow it?"

"Is the sky blue?"

"Not particularly, today it's more of a grayish-"

Thomas rolled his eyes. "Yes, James, you can borrow it."

"Cool, thank you!"

"No problem, you nerd."

-

 **John Laurens**  
(10 hrs ago)  
To those of you who don’t know yet – I am asexual. So, yeah. Now you know. (If you don’t understand what that means, google is your best friend)

_—comments—_

**A Ham** : And what does that meeeaaan??

 **A Ham:** (Sorry, just kidding  <3)

 **Eliza Schuyler** : OMG SERIOUSLY? I AM DEMI! *ace-spec high five*

 **His Lafayetteness** : u aced that coming out bro! hercules forgot his fb password but he is sending his love, too :)

 **John Adams** : I am proud of you John, you have my support :)

 **Aaron Burr** : Good to see you're comfortable about your identity Laurens ;) congrats

 **James Madison** : Burr and Adams took the words right out of my keyboard :)

 **Martha Manning** : still love you, my fave ex-boyfriend!! :D :*

 **John Laurens** : wow, that's… you guys are all really nice? i wasn't even expecting that tbh… thank you! :) *high five, Eliza!*

 **Eliza Schuyler** : <3


End file.
